I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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