I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
