I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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