So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
