I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
