Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
