This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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