He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
