Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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