I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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