she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
