The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
