It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
