I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
