What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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