im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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