I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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