I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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