So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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