i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
