$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
