Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
