i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
