So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
