For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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