You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
