So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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