Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
