We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
