would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
