Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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