At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
