We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
