Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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