I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
