Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
