please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
