yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
