Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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