garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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