if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
