Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
