"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
