why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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