Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
