foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
