she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
