you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
