Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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