is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
