Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
