You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
