either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
