just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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